Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Meaning of my eyes. :)
Based on your eyes ...
You can trust your sixth sense. Life is exciting so routine job is not your interest. You have great ideas and fantastic imagination. You often feel tired of things and people around you. Your Love, You can tell what's in the mind of another person just from looking into his/her eyes. You are paranoid and jealous and these are the cause of fights between you and your lover. Sometimes the thing you believe in is just your imagination.
Witty and highly adjustable in hard times.
Impatient, impetuous and quarrelsome.
Teachers, lecturers, writers, announcers, investors.
-Lo-
Monday, June 16, 2008
(re)SOLUTION
Keeping it to yourself is the key.
-Lo-
When I enter a relationship, I am serious about it.
Well, my mom clearly doesn't know me. FYI: when I enter a relationship, I am serious about it. I will be committed. That's what relationships are for. To be committed to someone. To choose to be committed to someone.
And suddenly my mom gives me the speech where I'm so wrap up in Lawrence that my life revolves around Lawrence. Her evidence being all the things I do, I do with Lawrence. All my friends are Lawrence's friends.
What?!!?
Ok, first of all. I am insulted. Because my mom thinks I'm this clingy clingy girlfriend. I may be overreading but to me that's what is says. Next, I'm offended because the person I chose to be my greatest confidante is being tossed around by her saying 'he doesn't have a backbone', 'he follows you around like a dog'.
Oh COME On!!
First, it took me so hard to open up to someone like Lawrence. And believe me, I haven't opened up enough at this point! And then she just shuts it down says I'm too clingy and that I can't do stuff without having Lawrence? What great reasoning right?
She says that me climbing mountains with Lawrence, us going to plays and all that stuff I usually like (that we do together) is a sign of me not being able to do anything without Lawrence. FYI, Lawrence and I like the same things. That's what makes us good. I mean, I liked mountain climbing. He decided to give it a try and boom! he liked it. If he liked it and I go mountain climbing, shouldn't I invite him? Right?
Photography. I like it, Lawrence likes it. My mom says if he likes it, how come he doesn't have a camera? Because he's not that rich mom!! He's not in our situation. How come? He works now, can't he buy his own camera? No, mom. Because he pays the bills in their house. Because he is saving up for something else. But he is thinking of buying a camera.
Why would I be open to dating people? Because in the end, that's the bottomline of my mom's speech. Sure, I'll be interested in meeting new people. But if they turn out to like me and ask me out on a date, I will say no. Why?
BECAUSE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP!!
-Lo-
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday the 13th
Hmmm... as you know (well, if you're reading my blog entries), I was looking forward to yesterday. Why? I have tickets to my much-awaited Avenue Q. I was suuuuuper excited and didn't actually care to shell out P1,100 just spending the time watching puppets make people realize of our grim reality.
So, it was the perfect cure for the week's ugly events.
I think Claire influenced me so much on writing that I eventually see the actual events as a story. When I got to UP, I wasted P9 on a jeepney ride going home because my mom and dad didn't have their keys with them. When I was in SC, they texted that I should go home anymore and go back to my meeting with the SIKAP people. When I went back Claire, Aizza and Exi were already gone. Pfft.
But still, I was still in a particularly good mood. Avenue Q will save me from this depression.
We started getting ready and went out at 7:30 pm thinking that Meralco Theatre was really really near from our home. When we got there, my sister's friend (the one with our tickets) texted that the play was showing in RCBC plaza.
Makati! SHit! We were already late. I mean we were on time when we got to Meralco Theatre but Makati is far from Ortigas. We couldn't possible make it in 10mins or less.
Apparently there was a misunderstanding between the two (my sister and her friend). Her friend probably joked about Meralco Theatre or my sister probably wasn't paying attention. But all in all, they didn't really talk about it.
So before we got to RCBC palaza, Makati being so traffic-controlled. There were no left turns and u-turns, so we had to figure out a way to get to the other side. Which took more time than speeding to Meralco Theatre to Makati via C-5.
Oh. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!
Anyways, end of the story we got to see the half of the play. I didn't get to see the parts were I really liked the songs like 'Everybody's a little racist' and 'If you were gay'. Damn.
And my sister kept on bugging me to atleast smile since we got to the play anyways. But for me, I can't smile. I mean come on! I've been waiting to watch the play for months. I've beem daydreaming about it. I shelled out good money just to see it. Who could smile?
Her friend thinks I'm mad. Well, I was at first. But she apologized and I said it was ok. What can we do? There was nothing we can do. But my sister insisted I smile at least. And I finally made it clear that I was not mad, I was just unhappy.
When I look back on watching the play and realizing it was already half of the show we've missed, I was thinking to myself... I wished I could've just stayed home, kept the money and worked on my thesis.
I wanted to see the whole play. Even thinking on buying tickets again. But pfft. Why bother shelling out P1,100 again. I mean, it's not like money grows in trees in our house. I mean recently, we just had our family talk about conserving our money since we don't have enough left.
Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.
So basically, no happy ending for my sad, miserable, depressing week.
-Lo-
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The worst is over.
Officially, the car is mine!! But tsk tsk... gas prices are waaaay high. Can't even celebrate getting the car by driving to Tagaytay or Batangas or somewhere very very far. And and and... when I finally got an excuse to drive to school (since even if I had a car when I was in 2nd and 3rd year, I lived in UP and had no point driving from buildings that are walking distance from the boarding house), that's when I have no money for the overpriced car liquor.
Well, atleast I get to go anywhere I want. Not that that was even an issue in the Democratic house of the de Guzman's. But still.
Hmm... I think I will always prefer Lance (my first car) even if he's a beaten up Lancer 13 years older than me. :)
In other news, FRIDAY is coming... I hope I didn't get my hopes too high for AVENUE Q. :) i love love love love having a sister with friends with connections. :)
I guess, except from the rage, war and depression this week is a-okay.
-Lo-
Monday, June 09, 2008
Dear Depression
Today was the worst day you could've presented yourself. Instead of poisoning only me, you poisoned my Dad and sister. I should hate you for that. But I'm tired of hating. And all I want is to get out of this.
I don't know what I should write next to "this". I don't know if it's "this mess" or "this family" or simply "this life". I opted "this life" when I was in Grade 6. The only thing that stop me is the thought of hell.
But now, I don't believe in heaven or in hell. Which makes its more easier, I guess. All I need to do is choose "this life" and be done with it. At least my problems would simply fly away. And you know that when people die, the people around them suddenly change. They suddenly think that the dead were all nice, all pretty, all saint.
I'd like to be regarded as that someday.
Again, you came into my life. How long will you stay? It might take me years to forget you and move on with my life. That's dragging. I just hipe now that you're with me again, people (especially my family) will stop and notice it. Maybe next time, I wouldn't be the only one concern of you choosing "this life". Maybe they will reach out and point to me that I don't really have to choose.
Until your next attack,
Lorey
-Lo-